Foreign Exchange
by Love-Danika
Summary: Dib and Zim enjoy a high school hell with several new students including a human Gir, another gay paranormal investigator, and the investigator's yaoi-obsessed twin sister. Probably yaoi, at least references, sexual innuendos, some crude humor.
1. Chapter 1

Invader Zim FanFic for the WIN!

"Ah, just another typical day in your local high school." Dib said, leaning back in his chair. "Even Zim isn't here to-"

"You were saying, filthy earth creature?"

"Zim!" Dib gasped. He fell backwards out of his chair. He pulled himself up from behind the lunch table. "I... uh... I didn't know you were here today. I thought you left back to your urchin planet."

"Irken. Well, seeing as how I've been here for FIVE EARTH YEARS I figured I might as well stay for a while longer and continue the quest for WORLD DOMINATION!" Zim smiled. "Now, Dib, are you prepared to BOW DOWN TO ME!"

Dib raised an eyebrow. "Actually I was thinking about pretending you never came to this planet and, you know, living my life as a normal teenager."

Zim looked at him skeptically and then busted out in maniacal laughter. "As if you could do something so _insane_!"

Dib blinked. "No, I'm being totally serious. I'm really just not going to bother with you and your stupid plans that never even work anyway."

"Never work? NEVER WORK?" Zim exclaimed. "MARK MY WORDS, DIB BEAST! I WILL HAVE REVENGE!"

"Yeah, yeah." Dib rolled his eyes. He went back to his mutant pizza. "Whatever you say, Zim."

Zim frowned at him. "YOU'RE LYING!" When Dib didn't respond, Zim raised his fist in a threatening gesture. "REVENGE!"

Then he walked away. Dib sighed. "Glad he's gone. Aren't you, Gaz?"

Gaz was leaning back in her chair into her newest video game, as always. "Whatever." She looked up. "Did you really mean what you said? Are you really gonna be... normal?"

"Well of course." Dib said. "I'm seventeen now! I can't waste my _whole_ life chasing after Zim."

"That's not what mom told you." Gaz commented nonchalantly.

Dib made a face. "Thank you, Gaz. What I really needed today was a snide comment about our dead mother."

Gaz stayed intent on the game, not even listening anymore. Dib shook his head. "Well, I guess I better get going to my next class. Which is...?"

"You're doing it again." Gaz said.

"What?" Dib looked up from his schedule. "Oh, the talking to myself thing. I'm working on it, Gaz. Why don't you try to stop playing those stupid video games?"

Gaz looked up; giving Dib the dirtiest look mankind had ever seen. "What... did you say?"

"Nothing!" Dib raised his hands in surrender. "I swear."

"That's what I thought." Gaz walked away.

"Phew... close one." Dib sighed.

"FILTHY EARTH SCUM!" Dib heard Zim shout from across the cafeteria. "GET YOUR VILE _'HAMBURGER'_ AWAY FROM ME!" Zim looked around. Dib was walking away. "Hmm... The Dib is not falling for my trap..."

"I told you." Dib said. "I don't care."

And Dib was gone before any further comment could be made.

-After school-

"I don't understand, Gir!" Zim protested. "The Dib Beast seems to be unphazed by the usual ALIEN things I do..." Zim looked in the mirror. "Could it be because of... me?" Zim frowned. "Gir!"

Gir looked up from his slurpee. "I'm gonna make waffles!"

He skipped off. Zim smiled. "If he won't pay attention to me... then maybe... he will to you Gir. GIR! Join me in the lab! We have to turn you..." (dramatic pause) "Human."

-The next day at school-

"Ah. Life is so much sweeter now that I don't have to worry about Zim every five seconds." Dib said.

"Hello, Dib." Zim said. "I would like to introduce you to our new student, Gir. He's a freshman this year."

"Wait..." Dib paused. "Gir? You're robot is a...?"

"HI!" The new Gir said, waving.

"Note Gir is not in a human suit. I have created an actual human body for Gir and downloaded his hardware into a prositronic brain." Zim said triumphantly. "Gir is... HUMAN!"

"You turned your robot human?" Dib asked.

"Yes." Zim said. "I will allow you to bask in my glory."

"Now that's just stupid." Dib said. And he walked away.

"Damnit, Gir!' Zim said. "He didn't cooperate! And I have picked up some of this UGLY earth profanity."

Gir sat barefoot in the dirt. "I can wiggle my toes! I like it when I can do stuff!"

Zim grabbed Gir's collar. "Come Gir! Into the dreaded _high school_..."

"But I wanna taco!" Gir protested. His slight figure was no match against Zim.

-At lunch-

"I can't believe he brought his robot to school!" Dib exclaimed. "That's the dumbest move he could've made. It's sure to blow his cover!"

"I thought you didn't care." Gaz said.

"I don't." Dib was quick to say. "But if I did, I would have him in a heartbeat."

"Geeze. It's just a robot. What's the big deal?" Gaz looked up for a moment. Her eyes, once back on her game screen, shot back up to a kid across the cafeteria. A small silver-haired boy with bright aqua eyes. She asked softly, "Who's that?"

"That would be the human robot." Dib said. "Focus, Gaz! Have you not been hearing a word I've said?"

"No." Gaz couldn't take her eyes off him. "Maybe we should go say hi. I mean, it wouldn't hurt right?"

"Are you CRAZY?" Dib asked. "He's a psychotic robot-boy!"

Gaz was already over at his table. "Hi. I'm Gaz."

Zim looked between Gaz and Gir. When Gir didn't answer, he said, "Say hello to the simple-minded Earth creature, Gir."

Gir looked up at Gaz with a bright smile. "Hi! I brought my taquitos to school!"

"He's so cute!" A girl from another table squealed. She ran over to him. "OH!"

"Back off," Gaz growled. "I saw him first!"

"Like hell you did!" The blonde said in her high-pitched voice. "I call dibs!"

"Did someone say my name?" Dib wondered, appearing drinking a soda.

"As if, freak show." The girl said.

"Ooh... Soda..." Gir said.

"Oh, you want some?" Dib asked, offering it to him.

"Woohoo!" Gir exclaimed, grabbing the soda from his hand. He flipped off the top and dumped its contents into his mouth.

"Gir!" Zim shouted sharply. "What did I tell you about sugar?"

"Umm..." Gir tilted his head and used one hand to get a knot out of his hair. "I dooon't know..."

Zim brought his hand to his forehead with a smack. "Gir! PAY MORE ATTENTION!"

"Hey, don't be mean to the little cutie!" The blonde said.

"Yeah, don't be mean to your little brother, _Zim_." Dib said with a smirk playing at his lips.

"How could you ever be mean to this cute little-"

"I swear..." Gaz picked up the girl by the front of her shirt. "If I have to tell you to back off one more time, you will be in such a world of hurt that you will rue the day your mom and your dad ever set eyes on each other."

The school bell rang. Dib smiled. "Well, Zim, I suppose we should walk to class together as good school acquaintances would."

Zim looked around. "NEVER! Zim walks with NO ONE!"

"But Zim, you said yous is gonna walk me to my classroom." Gir said.

"Wow. Even from a guy's perspective that's pretty adorable." Dib commented.

"Shut up VILE PIG-SMELLING DEMON!" Zim said. "No, GIR. I will _not_ walk you to your class."

"I'll do it!" Twenty girls offered at once, immediately crowding around him.

"Back up! He's mine!" Gaz said. "I saw him first!"

"Like hell!"

There was a quiet beeping and then all the girls got simultaneously blown away, leaving Gir for Gaz. "Thank you Dib and your obsessive inventing."

Gir smiled. "I likes you."

"I... like... you too." Gaz said a little painfully.

"We're gonna be beeeest frieeends!" Gir said and he skipped off.

"Right... friends." Gaz looked ready to kill.

"So, Gaz." Dib wondered. "You still think this was a good idea?"

"Shut UP, Dib!" Gaz said. She was about to punch Dib when the cute Gir with his long silver hair dropped his torso down from the ceiling.

"Ya coming?" Gir asked, his little tongue sticking out slightly.

"Yeah..." Gaz said. "Just give me a minute with my brother..."

Gir dropped down from the ceiling and grabbed her hand. "Nooo! Now!"

"Ok, ok." Gaz sighed. "Let's go already."

Dib sighed as they were walking away. "Gaz has her first boyfriend, Zim is still an idiot, and the world is at peace."

"I'm right here you know..." Zim said.

"Oh, I know." Dib said. "It's just my outer inner monologue again."

"Oh..."

"So..." They were now all alone in the deserted cafeteria. "You wanna walk to class together now?"

Zim looked around. "Sure. Why the hell not?"

"Horrible children," Ms. Wormwood announced. "These are your knew foreign exchange students. Don't touch them they're cleaner than you."

"Exchange students, eh?" Zim muttered. "More pitiful humans for me to DESTROY!"

"Now, if you have anything you wish to say, speak now." Ms. Wormwood said.

It was a boy and a girl. Both were shorter than average and loosely Asian with slightly yellow skin, black hair, and black slightly slanted eyes. The girl had pigtails and was dressed in a short pink skirt and a white tank-top. She carried nothing more than a notebook and a stuffed bear. The male had slightly shaggy hair and wore mostly black. He carried a small back pack with him and had a pair of sunglasses on top of his head.

"I am Aki and this is my sister." The male said. "We come from Japan with our mother. My sister's dream is to make her living by creating yaoi anime and manga. My dream is to be the greatest paranormal investigator this world has ever seen."

"Hey, that's my thing." Dib protested.

"Now, my fellow students," Aki began. "Do not be alarmed, but there is an alien among you. It is my duty as paranormal investigator to point him out to you."

"Yeah, yeah. Save it." Ms. Wormwood said. "Dib has made it quite clear what you all think of our Zim and we assure you, he is quite normal."

"Yes." Zim said. "I am a very normal human Earthling. Nothing strange about me at all! YOU WILL BOW DOWN!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "A paranormal investigator... hmm..."

"Go... Sit by Dib." Ms. Wormwood said, gesturing to the two open seats behind him.

Aki and his sister sat in their designated seats. Dib turned around. "Hello. My name's Dib and I'm the paranormal investigator around here."

"Pleasure." Aki said curtly. "Zim... the green boy... You are aware that he's-?"

"An alien?" Dib shook his head. "After six years of no one believing me, I'm just not that interested in it anymore."

"Well perhaps I shall do what you cannot."

"Excuse me?"

"Perhaps I will unveil this Zim and therefore, prove myself the real nemesis of all paranormal creatures!"

"Good luck." Dib scoffed.

"Hey! Hey Dib!" Zim called across the classroom. "My wig is loose! Don't you want to unmask me in front of all of your fellow humans?"

"Not interested." Dib said.

"DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Zim jumped on the table. "I swear I shall provoke you, SOMEHOW!"

"... He's that desperate to be caught and you still haven't exposed him?" Aki wondered.

"He just started doing that when I stopped paying attention to him." Dib said, waving it off. "Besides, I have bigger things to worry about. Like getting Mysterious Mysteries off the air for fraudulent content."

Aki appeared to be in thought. "... I hate that show."

"Yeah." Dib smiled sheepishly. "Same here..."

"You know, uhm, Dib..." Aki's sister said. "It sounds like Zim really misses you. That could only mean one thing..."

"Please... do not say it." Aki begged.

"He must want your penis! ^-^" She smiled brightly.

"Wait... What?" Dib's eyes were as wide as saucers. "How could you even...? H-he's an alien!"

"Ooh, I wonder if he has tentacles." She giggled. "Everyone loves tentacle rape!"

"Foolish earth girl! I care nothing for the Dib Beast!" Zim exclaimed. "It is simply too easy to conquer the world without someone trying to stop me."

"Then I'll do it." Aki said. "I'll be your nemesis."

"But... But that's Dib's job!" Zim said.

Aki's sister still had her bright smile in place. "When you two make up and everything, can I tape your love-making for inspirational purposes?"

"Bleh!" Dib and Zim both exclaimed at the same time.

Aki's sister giggled again. "^-^ 3"

Dib frowned. "How the hell?"

"What?" She asked.

"Your speech... was all emoticons... How do you say and emoticon?" Dib exclaimed.

"I'm Japanese, silly." She giggled again. "We all can!"

"This... it is GENUIS!" Zim exclaimed. "I must master these emoticons, therefore enabling universal understanding of my commands _through faces_..."

Dib shook his head. "Zim, your ideas only keep getting dumber."

"I know, I know." Zim said. "Which is why now would be the opportune time to catch me!"

"I told you, I'm not interested!" Dib growled. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"Don't be scared, Dib." Aki's sister said. "It's just the first step to your relationship is all! And don't worry," She said with a wink. "It only _really_ hurts the first time."

"That's disgusting!" Dib said. "Why? Why this class? Why this year? Why now? Why _Zim_?"

The bell rang and Dib jumped out of his seat. He dashed out of the room. Zim shook his head. "Pathetic Earth WORM! It is clear who the dominant species is."

"Oh, so you _do_ like to be dominant." Aki's sister said. "I was just guessing. Oh, don't you love how I can do that? ^-^"

"Emoticon Girl!" Zim exclaimed. "Give up your powers and I may spare your life!"

"Silly, Zim! It just doesn't work that way! ;)" She skipped off.

"So..." Aki said, sliding over to Zim smoothly. "If you want to get a new nemesis, we should get together. Maybe... at that ice cream parlor on the corner after school?"

Zim looked at his slightly blushing face. "Please! I have no time for you! The world will soon belong to ZIM!"

Zim walked off and Aki looked down. "Damn."


	2. Chapter 2

"Heyy, Dibb. :)" Aki's sister said, prancing up to him at the end of school. "I couldn't help but notice your slight hostility towards me and my brother. I think we might've-how would you say it? -gotten off on the wrong foot."

Dib glared at her. "YOU CAME INTO THE CLASSROOM AND STARTED ACUSING ME OF BEING GAY!"

She giggled. "Yes, well... I sincerely apologize."

He raised an eyebrow. "You don't feel even a little sorry do you?"

"Nope! ^-^" She shook her head. "But... I don't want to ruin a marvelous friend opportunity for my brother. Maybe you might want to hang out with us today?"

"Forget it. He wants my job. And besides, I have to study..."

"Liar!" She said in sing-song.

Just then Gaz walked up. She grabbed Dib's arm. "We're going."

"Ooh. Who is this?" Aki's sister asked.

"This is my little sister, Gaz." Dib said. "And she seems pretty pissed off so I think I'm just gonna go with her."

"Aww! Cut little uke getting pushed around by his little sister! ^-^"

"Please?" Aki begged Zim as they were walking to the bus.

"No." Zim responded.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"GIR!"

"Yes, my Lord!" Gir said, saluting.

"HE'S SO CUTE!" A bunch of girls squealed.

"Get on the bus and stop picking gum off the bottom of the bench." Zim said.

"Awwwwwwwwww. But I'z already collected 234 pieces!" Gir shoved a few into his mouth as he said so and swallowed them.

"Gir! What are you doing swallowing all that gum?" Zim scolded.

"Saving it for later..." Gir said.

Zim smacked his forehead. "It doesn't work like that Gir! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Gir blinked. "Ooh! A squirrel!"

"Get on the bus Gir." Zim said. He pushed him roughly forward.

"Zim..." Aki said. "Would you go to the ice cream shop if... if I said Dib was going to meet us there?"

Zim looked back at him. "Please! Why would the presence of the Dib Beast sway my decision? You obviously don't know me very well."

"Oh. Ok, then." Aki said. "I apologize. I'll just go with Dib and my sister then and... I'll see you tomorrow."

-Later at Dib's house-

"What the hell is a uke?" Dib muttered as he made an attempt at his math homework. He grabbed his non-work-related laptop and booted it up. "And why would that girl call me it? It must be Japanese or something, but... Oh! Here it is! Uke..." His eyes widened. "No... How could she do this to me?"

-At Zim's-

"My tummy hurts..." Gir said. He lied moping on the couch. "I know! Let's make waffles!" He tried to hop up, but his stomach only hurt more. He groaned in pain. "Owwy."

"I TOLD YOU!" Zim hollered. "YOUR STOMACH AND HEAD CAN NO LONGER BE USED AS VASTLESS CARRYING DEVICES! The things and amount you eat will now take a toll on your body."

"Aww... but I ordered Chinese." Gir pouted.

"I will simply have to..." Zim cut himself short. "What _are_ you doing?"

Gir frowned. "Being sad cuz you won't let me eat my Chinese."

"The facial expression..." Zim mused. "How very... HUMAN!"

Gir reached down and picked up his old dog costume. "Ziiiim... Will yous make me another one?" He held it up to him hopefully.

Zim smacked it out of his hand. "No Gir! You're supposed to be human now!"

"But I loooves it!" Gir picked it back up sadly.

"Stay here and don't destroy anything." Zim commanded. "I'm going out."

"Okey-dokey!" Gir said with a bright smile.

As soon as Zim was gone, Aki's sister knocked on the door. Gir got up and answered it. "Hello?"

She waltzed in immediately. "You really are as cute as they say." She smiled brightly. "You want your puppy suit back and I want some information. Can we negotiate a trade?"

"You gots some taquitos?" Gir wondered.

"Of course." She pulled out a hot platter of them from the bag she held.

"Woohoo!" Gir exclaimed. He tried to hop up and his stomach throbbed. "My tummy hurts..."

"Oh. Poor thing." She muttered. She brought out some medicine. "Drink this and in a few minutes you'll feel better."

Gir gulped it down. He looked back up at Aki's sister. "So, whachu want?"

"Has Zim done anything... weird to you yet?" She asked.

"Nope!" Gir said. "Just Zim being Zim!"

"Does Zim have tentacles?"

"No."

"How often would you say Dib comes over?"

"Well before he went all weird, everyday!" Gir said. He sat up. "Taquitos?"

Aki's sister handed them to him. "Oh really?"

"Mmhmm!" Gir said. He began to devour the taquitos. "Zim even captured him to do experiments!"

She smiled widely. "Now that sounds like something I want to hear about."

"Hey, Dib?" Gaz asked. Her gaze was averted. "You're kind of a... guy, right?"

"Not now Gaz!" Dib said. "I have to go get a girlfriend!"

"A... girlfriend?" Gaz asked. "You couldn't get a girlfriend if your life depended on it."

"But I have to! If I don't, then Aki's sister will think I'm... I'm gay!"

"Who's this 'Aki' you keep talking about?" Gaz asked.

"The new foreign exchange student! And he has a diabolical, yaoi-obsessed sister!" Dib exclaimed. "And I can't take it!"

"We got a foreign exchange student too. You know, other than Gir..."

"That's nice." Dib said. "Now, are you gonna help me get a girlfriend, or are you going to leave me to my fate?"

"What's the big deal about some girl calling you gay anyway? It's not like anyone'll pay attention to her."

"Of course they will!" Dib grabbed his wallet, shoving it into his pocket. "So are you helping me or what?"

"I'll go with or what." Gaz rolled her eyes. "Have fun being humiliated."

"Fine then! If I must do this by myself, then I will!" Dib rushed out the door.

"Damn it!" Zim muttered. "The Earth scum lied to me! The Dib Beast is not here." Zim shoved his hands into his pockets. "Now what? I can't go home unsuccessful!"

"Out of my way!" It was Dib. He was running frantically, shoving people out of his way, as he was chased by an enraged female.

"What luck!" Zim said with a smile. He leaned against a wall nonchalantly and stuck out his foot.

"AHH!" Dib caught his foot on Zim's and toppled over.

"It looks big does it?" The girl cried. "Oh I'll show you big!"

She grabbed him by the collar and began mercilessly beating him. Zim flinched and looked away. Three good punches, and she left. Dib sat there covering his face. Zim snorted laughter.

"It can't be that bad. She's only a pathetic human." Zim said. "Move your hands."

Dib did so and Zim had to wince. Dib had acquired a split lip, a bloody nose and a black eye. His glasses were broken on the ground. "Yeah..." Dib grimaced. "Just a... girl."

Zim laughed. "Well, Dib, I believe you've been beaten by a girl."

Dib wiped the blood from under his nose. "Shut up, Zim."

Dib stood up and began walking away. Just then, Aki's sister appeared out of the crowd. "Dib! D: Are you ok?"

Dib frowned. "Leave me alone."

"Nonsense!" She brought out a handkerchief and began to wipe away more blood. "Here."

"Thanks..." Dib said. "What was your name, anyway?"

"Oh. It's ***! :)" She said brightly.

Dib's eyes were wide. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Oh! It's censored content. All Japanese people can do it." She said. "My brother didn't tell you my name, so neither can I. :)"

"How does that make any sense?" Dib asked.

"It doesn't." She said with a shrug. "It just is." She took his arm. "How about you come home with me. We'll get you fixed up."

"But you're the one who put me in this mess!" Dib said.

"Dib, I didn't punch you in the face." Aki's sister said.

"No, but I have to prove to you I'm not gay!" Dib said. "And I guess girls don't take that as a compliment..."

"What did you do?" She asked. She giggled.

"Well..."

"Emoticon girl!" Zim shouted. "Release the Dib Beast immediately."

"Oh? Are you jealous?" Aki's sister asked. She smiled slyly.

"Jealous? Never. For no one is better than INVADER ZIM!" Zim laughed.

"Well then you shouldn't mind." Aki's sister said. "Nice talking to you, Slim. :)"

She began walking away. Dib raised his eyebrows. "Is it just me, or was she just rude to you?"

"Just you." Zim said.

"I see..." Dib held in a smile.

"You're not off the hook." Aki's sister growled. She grabbed Dib by the arm and dragged him away.


End file.
